When parents get on well, children do better
Parental conflict can hurt children for life. Reducing conflict between parents is one of the most effective ways to improve the lives of their children. This includes their mental health and emotional stability and behaviour. It also helps them to do better in school, and improve the quality of their life long-term.
Most relationships have their ups and downs, and disagreements and arguments are normal. However, arguments between parents that are intense, hostile, and poorly resolved can be harmful to their children.
One of the best things you can do for your child is to improve the relationship between parents and resolve parenting conflicts. When family life is good, children thrive.
What does conflict in a relationship look like?
a lack of warmth or emotional connection
shouting and swearing at each other
not accepting the outcome of arguments
destructive behaviour that gets in the way of managing everyday life
sulking, silent treatment
slamming doors or walking away from each other
being anxious, worried or angry about the relationship so that it is affecting everyday life
not able to say sorry after an argument and move on
using hurtful texts, emails or social media against each other
What can cause parental conflict?
different parenting styles
personality clashes or unresolved issues
household chores or responsibilities
money issues
moving to a new house
having a baby
health conditions
substance or alcohol misuse
lifestyle
extended family
hobbies and work commitments
ill health
What can parental conflict place children at risk of?
depression
anxiety
health problems
behavioural problems
doing worse at school
worst life outcomes
negative peer relationships
earlier involvement with drug or alcohol misuse
poor future adult relationships
future lower employability which can lead to financial difficulties
risk-taking behaviours
sleep disorders
digestive problems, abdominal pains, fatigue, headaches and reduced physical growth
Tips to resolve and manage conflict between parents
remember that a happy parental relationship is best for your child
think in terms of what is best for the child
be aware of your emotions and actions
think of it as resolving the conflict, not winning the argument
clarify what it is you are disagreeing on
identify a common goal, try and remain flexible and make compromises. Aim to reach an outcome which works for both parents and the child or children
listen to each point of view
communicate as a team, understand and accept you will have disagreements
define and manage the expectations of one another
create a schedule or parenting plan to offer stability and consistency. However compromise and be flexible where other commitments such as work may arise
avoid speaking poorly of your co-parent in front or around your child or children
offer consistent agreed rules and routines across households
understand your child or children’s needs come first
set any anger, hurt or frustration aside
What is the difference between parental conflict and domestic abuse?
It is important to know if you are in a violent or abusive relationship and, if so, get help.
Parental conflict and domestic abuse are two separate things. But, it can sometimes be difficult to work out if your relationship is abusive. Your relationship with your partner, ex-partner or a member of your family might be abusive if:
they will want to hold all the power and control
you might be fearful of them
they might be physically violent or threatening
their abuse will have happened more than once, or you notice patterns
If you believe you are in a relationship where there is domestic abuse, see our resources on domestic abuse support
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Relationships Unplugged
Relationships Unplugged is a podcast by OnePlusOne, a leading relationship support charity. Co-hosts Sereena Vaja and Prof Janet Reibstein explore the latest evidence and sometimes their own experience to talk about all things relationships. Join them as they take deep dives into topics like Gen Z’s views on dating and marriage, what our conflict style says about us, how dating has changed over the years, and the big life events that shape all relationships.