When parents get on well, children do better.
Parental conflict can hurt children for life. Reducing conflict between parents is one of the most effective ways to improve the lives of their children – including their mental health and emotional stability, their behaviour, helping them to do better in school, and improving the quality of their life long-term.
Most relationships have their ups and downs, and disagreements and arguments are normal, but arguments between parents that are intense, hostile, and poorly resolved can be harmful to their children.
One of the best things you can do for your child is to improve the relationship between parents and resolve parenting conflicts.
When family life is good, children thrive.
What does conflict in a relationship look like?
- a lack of warmth or emotional connection
- shouting and swearing at each other
- not accepting the outcome of arguments
- destructive behaviour that gets in the way of managing everyday life
- sulking, silent treatment
- slamming doors or walking away from each other
- being anxious, worried or angry about the relationship so that it is affecting everyday life
- not able to say sorry after an argument and move on
- using hurtful texts, emails or social media against each other
What can cause parental conflict?
- different parenting styles
- personality clashes or unresolved issues
- household chores or responsibilities
- money issues
- moving to a new house
- having a baby
- health conditions
- substance or alcohol misuse
- lifestyle
- extended family
- hobbies and work commitments
- ill health
What can parental conflict place children at risk of?
- depression
- anxiety
- health problems
- behavioural problems
- doing worse at school
- worst life outcomes
- negative peer relationships
- earlier involvement with drug or alcohol misuse
- poor future adult relationships
- future lower employability which can lead to financial difficulties
- risk-taking behaviours
- sleep disorders
- digestive problems, abdominal pains, fatigue, headaches and reduced physical growth
Tips to resolve and manage conflict between parents
- remember that a happy parental relationship is best for your child
- think in terms of what is best for the child
- be aware of your emotions and actions
- think of it as resolving the conflict, not winning the argument
- clarify what it is you are disagreeing on
- identify a common goal, try and remain flexible and make compromises to help reach an outcome which works for both parents and the child or children
- listen to each point of view
- communicate as a team, understand and accept you will have disagreements
- define and manage the expectations of one another
- create a schedule or parenting plan to offer stability and consistency, however compromise and be flexible where other commitments such as work may arise
- avoid speaking poorly of your co-parent in front or around your child or children
- offer consistent agreed rules and routines across households
- understand your child or children’s needs come first
- set any anger, hurt or frustration aside
What is the difference between parental conflict and domestic abuse?
It is important to know if you are in a violent or abusive relationship and, if so, get help.
Parental conflict and domestic abuse are two separate things, but it can sometimes be difficult to work out if your relationship is abusive. Your relationship with your partner, ex-partner or a member of your family might be abusive if:
- they will want to hold all the power and control
- you might be fearful of them
- they might be physically violent or threatening
- their abuse will have happened more than once, or you notice patterns
Find out about and book onto our latest round of Reducing Parental Conflict training for Practitioners here.
Our current round of Reducing Parental Conflict training for Practioners is now fully booked and/or has already run.
